Archive for November, 2006

Bond, James Bond

Posted in Uncategorized on November 25, 2006 by pensivelawyer

Yes,i went and saw ‘Casino Royale’ yesterday.

Oh boy, where do i begin? This wasn’t a Bond flick. Now i’ve been watching Bond flicks since i was a kid (as have most guys), and i thought that this was defi not a Bond flick. I didnt have that ‘Bond’ quality, nor the ‘Bond’ story. Somehow, it reminded me of something like a Mission Impossible rather than a Bond flick. What i mean is, it was just another action flick. Get that?

I didnt like it. Yes, i didnt like a Bond flick. The new Bond is well, different. He didnt fit into the role perfectly like Pierce Brosnan or Roger Moore or even Timothy Dalton did. He’s, well, different.

Somehow, when a Bond does to a bar and asks for a dry Martini, and on being asked whether he would like it ‘shaken or stirred’ (NOT THAT HE SHOULD BE AKSED) – some things in life just shouldnt be done!….;), and then he says:

” Do i look like i care?”

IT JUST DOESNT CUT IT.

And that for me was the end of the anticipation. I’ve been waiting for this flick for a while now and i can honestly say that its a Bond flick which you would not want to have on your DVD collection.

I think its time to watch Dhoom 2!

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And there is life

Posted in Uncategorized on November 23, 2006 by pensivelawyer

Finished…..all that pending frustration and angst is over leading to a morning where i can relax and write.

 The past couple of days have been rather busy as i have been giving my Masters exams. A complete waste of time so i decided to study last minute and go (as i usually end up doing) rather than waste time by taking leave from work. Result – 4 days of sleep walking.

 And today, we have the morning after syndrome….nahin nahin, before you miserable pervs out there get the wrong idea, its THAT morning after syndrome where i get in to work and i realise that i just dont feel like working.

I need a vacation. A real vacation with beaches, babes and booze (gotta be the man’s man na…;)) A vacation where i can sleep in late (yeah right!), go for a run on the beach, get oil massages by beautiful thai women…..sheesh.

The thought of this makes me miserable. Because i know it aint gonna happen anytime soon. Time to work. Cheerio.

Another lawyer joke…:)

Posted in Uncategorized on November 20, 2006 by pensivelawyer

Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer…..

In a trial, a small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. The witness was grand motherly,  elderly woman.

He approached her and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?” She  responded, “Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me.  You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk
about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you”

The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, “Mrs. Jones. Do you know the defence attorney?” She again replied, “Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.”

The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench, and in a very Quiet voice, said, “If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me, I’ll throw you in jail for contempt.”

Again….

Posted in Uncategorized on November 18, 2006 by pensivelawyer

The self-inflicted torture has begun once again. I am forced to stay within the confines of these walls and focus on words that go on and on and on…. and derive meaning from seemingly boring words.

The process itself is one that irritates me, as it would any rational human being. The argument i offer, is the same one offered by a number of men and women before me. The education system here SUCKS!

Anyway, had another terrible experience with our beloved University of Mumbai today and this confirms my earlier opinion about them. They are a bunch of miserable f%cks who just wanna fuc& aorund for the sake of it. Jobless Fuc&ers who want to harass anyone that happens to unfortunately venture before them.

I am the kind who likes to study in a library….same story since FYJC. Cant study at home as there are way too many distractions (in the form of the conveniences of today and the most dangerous distraction, is the bed!!!) so i go to the Univ of Mumbai library at the Fort campus. That big hall on the first floor of Rajabai Tower. Been there a lot last year and it was pretty decent. Nice, airy and well lit with natural light. I even went there yesterday to sit for a while and understand some stuff from people i know.

Today, the sentry at the desk decides to ask me for my ‘library card’. Dumbfounded, i look at him and whilst questioning his very purpose, i proceed to show him my University ID card (thats all i have!).

‘Yeh idhar nahin chalega’

Now forgive me for being pissed off, but i have reason! If the fuc&in University ID card wont work in the fuc&in University, WHERE IN GOD’s NAME WILL IT WORK?

‘Tumhara library card kidhar hai?’

Asked what in God’s name that is, he informs me that students without a valid library card cannot enter the library or borrow books.

Being a lawyer and prone to argue, i try a different tactic….being that i dont want to borrow a book. I just want to sit and read my books, the ones i am carrying.

‘Nahin, library card jaakar banao.’

The waste of time and effort went on for another few minutes where evn on requesting the man to let me go just today, he refused.

Ironically, i went to the library all of last year and even the day preceeding the incident, without any such experience. Nobody stopped me and i was permitted to sit and read peacefully.

What in God’s name is the UNiversity trying to increase the paperwork and the damn card system for? I mean, shouldn’t a simple ID card be enough to get into a library on the very same campus? Yet these idiots decide to increase the work (no doubt to hire more jobless fuc&s) not realising that the inefficiencies that they are bringing into the system.

God, i need a drink!

Hahaha

Posted in Uncategorized on November 16, 2006 by pensivelawyer

There’s always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for “Termination without Cause”.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         “Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?”
Caller:              “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect.”
Operator:         “What sort of trouble??”
Caller:              “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”
Operator:         “Went away?”
Caller:              “They disappeared.”
Operator:         “Hmm So what does your screen look like now?”
Caller:              “Nothing.”
Operator:         “Nothing??”
Caller:              “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.”
Operator:         “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??”
Caller:              “How do I tell?”
Operator:         “Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??”
Caller:              “What’s a sea-prompt?”
Operator:         “Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?”
Caller:              “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I type.”
Operator:         “Does your monitor have a power indicator??”
Caller:              “What’s a monitor?”
Operator:         “It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s     on??”
Caller:               “I don’t know.”
Operator:          “Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??”
Caller:              “Yes, I think so.”
Operator:         “Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s plugged into the wall.

Caller:              “Yes, it is.”
Operator:         “When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??”
Caller:               “No.”
Operator:          “Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.”
Caller:               “Okay, here it is.”
Operator:          “Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into the back of your computer.”
Caller:               “I can’t reach.”
Operator:          “Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??”
Caller:               “No.”
Operator:          “Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??”
Caller:               “Oh, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.”
Operator:          “Dark??”
Caller:               “Yes – the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.

” Operator: “Well, turn on the office light then.”
Caller:               “I can’t.”
Operator:          “No? Why not??”
Caller:               “Because there’s a power failure.”
Operator:  “A power……… A power failure? Aha, Okay, we’ve got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??”

Caller:               “Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.”
Operator:           “Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.”
Caller:                “Really? Is it that bad?”
Operator:            “Yes, I’m afraid it is.”
Caller:                 “Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??”
Operator:            “Tell them you’re too f*%king stupid to own a computer!!!!!”

Another opinion

Posted in Uncategorized on November 13, 2006 by pensivelawyer

Now there’s been a lot of talk on this and somehow, i havent seen another opinion at all which scares me. I mean, are people THIS blind to the facts?

THE FACTS: 

Apparently, a few kids after a night of partying got into a Corolla and went for a spin. On Carter Road, Bandra, they ‘lost control’ of their car and an ran over some pavement dwellers.

Now, the scary part is, exactly 24 hrs before it happened, i was on Carter road in a Corolla where I was driving. I saw these guys sleeping on the side of the road and i told my co-passengers, this is an accident waiting to happen! I promise you, this happened.

Now, whose fault is it? The driver of the car?…..Of course!….i mean, he was  driving under the influence of alcohol i.e. above the legal permissible limit and therefore, he must take responsibility of his actions.

Is this to say that the pavement dwellers are without fault?…or for that matter, the contractor (for the road concretization project the guys were working on), the BMC or the Government?

Dont get me wrong, the kid driving the car ran over people whilst driving under the influence and therefore, he is at fault. But i am of the opinion that if you have people sleeping on the road, its only a matter of time before an accident will happen.

Look at all the accidents that have happened thus far! Salman Khan, Bal Thakeray’s assistant etc. They all ran over people who were sleepin on the roads. Now if you’re driving drunk, you gotta face the music of the law. But what about the Contractors, the BMC and the Government, who let the people sleep on the road?

I mean,

1) Shouldnt there be a law that stops people from sleeping on the road?

2) Shouldnt there be a law that makes it the responsibility of the Contractor to provide a safe and decent residence for the labourers rather than making them sleep on the road?

3) Shouldnt the BMC make it part of every contract to provide for safe housing for labourers?

We’re putting these guys in front of cars!

Yeah, the guys that are sober can turn away and the drunk ones run them over. But why are they on the road in the first place? Dont they deserve to be given a safe house, atleast whilst they work on the roads?

Whilst i am all for punishing the guilty, I am also for equality. I think the Contractors, the BMC and the Government are equally responsible for this state of affairs. You can’t have people sleepin on the road. You’re ASKING for trouble. Its time we punished ALL the guilty.

Jetlag!

Posted in Uncategorized on November 7, 2006 by pensivelawyer

My first blog on wordpress. And i’m gonna be me and crib some more….:)

After waking up at 4 a.m. and realizing that i was still under the influence of jetlag, i decided to get back to my workouts. Now i usually try n get some excercise in everyday but since the last couple of weeks, i’ve been on a sabattical of sorts from my workouts.

 I continue. So anyway, i decided to go for a walk….you know na, early morning walk, good for you and more blah….so i put on my sneakers and the ipod (stupid li’l drug!…..i used to be the kind of person who loved to walk/run without music…..and now, i cant seem to do without this li’l wonder) and head out for a walk.

 Me being me, and me craving old times, and looking forward to re-living past moments of glory ( to be explained – another post, another time), i walked to Churchgate station and got some nice ‘cutting chai’. Its 5:30 a.m. and i’m in sneakers and shorts, drinking cutting chai at Churchgate station.

 Now truly awake and bored, i decided to venture further into the city and walked down to Marine Drive, right up to the point where the pathway leads into the sea, where some genius planned on making a bridge, which was never completed, and now gives us a spot to remember. I’m sure each one of us (Bombayites) has had a moment to remember at that spot…:)

And now, the boredom reaches new levels. At this spot and at this moment i decide to carry out my stretching excercises. Yeah yeah those ones which you see those fantastically toned athletes with bulging muscles and 6 pack abs (God knows i’d rather drink a 6 pack than have one) do before and after their workouts.  

And thereafter, feeling considerably less stiffer (really!) and breathing a whole lot harder i walk home and climb up the mountain to home. All in all, a good 50 minute workouts (including the chai). 

Its life. Gotta make each moment count. 

Have a great day ahead.